Unequally Yoked

Somewhere around the beginning this journey, when I had just started questioning things, I was leery of really seeking, because I was concerned that I would discover something that would lead to Danson and I not being on the same page spiritually.  Being 'unequally yoked' freaked the bejesus out of me.  

I wondered if it would destroy my husband if one day he learned that I no longer believed the same as him, as I did when we married. Or if by some horror lost my faith altogether.  Would we loose everything we had? Would there be any connection left? Would there be anything still keeping us together? Would he regret his decision to take me as his wife?  Then I wondered if that was a good enough excuse to drop the questioning and just be 'content in my faith'.  

I ended up coming to the conclusion that I needed to figure out things spiritually for myself in order to really be the best partner I could to him, and also to support him on his own journey.  I found that we needed to be true to ourselves in order to be true to each other.  When we talked, we discovered we were both questioning.  It turns out he felt the same about ending our time as missionaries…. or seeking to become missionaries again.  We were on the same page with our changing thoughts on morality and the authority of scripture, and…. pretty much everything (ok, maybe not everything, but nearly).  Our paths have been separate, but similar.  It totally and completely shocked me. It has been the single most encouraging thing on my journey to date.  I'm so blessed to have his love and support, and because we don't know anybody else in real life that is traveling our same direction it really, really helps to vent touch base on this stuff now and then.  

But…. 

It easily could have been different.  When we marry somebody our life does not stop, we do not stop growing and changing and we don't always end up in the same place as our partner at the end of our journey.  We are not static, as a people, we're all changing and growing and effected by all the experiences of our lives.  Sometimes we find find that the way the person we love has changed, has not been in the way that we had hoped they would. This happens in all kinds of different areas of our lives, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that it often happens in our faith walks as well.  We marry our spouses because of their thoughts, ideas and beliefs and it can absolutely be disappointing to find these things have changed in the person we love.  But it should not be unexpected.

I think it's important to let each other walk our own paths and encourage our spouses to find their own way... even if that means we can no longer relate to one another on a faith level.  We need to work on loving our spouses were they are, and not try to fit them into or 'train' them into the people we wish they were.  There are so many more things (hopefully) holding us together than our faith…. Let us focus on those things, let us love them though those things, and lets make a commitment not to punish them because their walk looks different than Ours.

Some time ago I read a pretty amazing post on this very thing.  I'll post it here, in case you find yourself unequally yoked today, or one day in the future.  Ask a Mixed-Faith Couple is part of the "ask a…"series by Rachel Held Even.  If you are not reading her blog, you really should. This couple does a wonderful job of answering some though questions. Go ahead and take a gander.

*please don't get the idea that I think you should stay in a bad marriage…. I absolutely believe that there is a place for separation and divorce  and exploring those options.   and I absolutely don't condone staying in a marriage just because you think you 'should'.  It takes guts to realize it's not ever going to work and move on, and I applaud those of you that have had the courage to do that. *